Finding
by Sirius'Vixen
Summary: Lily starts her 7th year dreading it but when she finds her enemy has a sercet and she wants to find out, no matter what...I'm not good at this so just R&R rated for later
1. Chapter 1

**Finding**

I don't own Harry Potter, and sorry to say I don't get anything from this. I own nothing but jeans, shirts and underwear so there is no point in sueing me cuz I have nothing!

On to the story…

Lily Evans ran through the giant halls of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardary, not wanting to be late for her new duties as Head Girl of the school. She tried to keep the thought of who was Head Boy from her mind. Dumbledore must have lost his mind! she thought to herself. There were so many people better for the job, people Lily didn't despise, people who didn't insist on driving her mad. But no, Dumbledore had to pick the one guy out of the whole school that could, and did, push all of Lily's buttons. James Potter. She felt her teeth grid as she even though of his name.

Rounding the corner of the hallway, Lily ran right into the very person that she couldn't stand. It was not hard to see why James was loved by every girl that went to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. All but Lily. James was easily over six feet and had the looks of a dark angel. His hair didn't seem to like staying in one place, but somehow the black silk seemed to always look amazing, no matter what he did. The pricing hazel eyes were the windows to his soul, framed in rather simple wire glasses, and made all the girls weak in the knees when he turned that gaze on them. Lily would admit to herself that his eyes even made her a little weak but if asked about it she would deny it.

One thing that Lily found so annoying about him was that all of the girls in the school fell at his feet as if he was the best thing to happen to the female race. Well…all the girls but Lily and her friends. She knew he couldn't control that but still she blamed him for it.

"Oh, sorry Evans, didn't mean to run into you." James said, looking Lily dead in the eye. "Were you on your way to duties, then?" he asked, trying and failing to make conversation with her. Lily just nodded and moved past him as if she thought he was disgusting.

Before she could escape, Lily ran into, what felt like a brick wall, and she would have found herself on the floor if James had not caught her around the waist. Lily sent him a glace as he easily righted her and let go. Usually he looked for a reason to hold her but he had let her go very quickly. She tuned to see what had caused her to fall and was face to face with another one of the most well known young men in the whole school, Sirius Black. She should have guessed that if James was around then Sirius was near by.

The two of them were the most sought after guys in Hogwarts, along with the three member of the infamous Marauders, Remus Lupin. But also they had been best friends since before school had started, nearly seven years ago. James may be a dark angel but Sirius was the devils son. His hair was black, like James, but Sirius let his grow long, past broad shoulders. His face seemed to have been carved by some amazing artist or fantasizing woman, much as James' face seemed, but Sirius had an edge to his looks, a hardness that made women sigh.

"My Evans, so nice of you to drop by." Sirius said, slight sarcasm and anger laced his deep voice. Lily wondered what the hell she had done to make him mad at her, she didn't talk to these two because they had no respect for the rules which every other student followed. But instead of giving her a reason as he might usually he just stared at her though deep quicksilver eyes.

"What's your problem Black?" she asked, forced venom seeped through her tone. Sirius opened his mouth to answer her question with flares of anger sparking in his eyes. Before one word could leave his mouth James made a quick sound, like a low growl Lily thought, and Sirius shut his mouth and just look at James for a moment before his intense eyes were back on Lily. She looked to James to get an answer but as she turned to face him, his back was already to her.

"Come on, Padfoot, Evans has somewhere to be so let's not keep her longer." James said, the sadness in it made her wonder if he was alright or not. That would explain why Sirius was mad but it didn't tell her why he was mad at _her_.

"You have to get your duties as well, Potter" Lily said masking her thoughts with the same tone that she had used with Sirius. Lily thought she almost saw him flinch at her voice but wasn't sure.

"I already went to see the headmaster for my duties and living quarters." He said still with that sadness that strangely made her feel like she had to find out what was wrong and help him. But she just shook the thought out of her head. Sirius gave her a somewhat evil glare that made her bones chill. And without anther word the two tall teenagers left.

Oh Hell! Lily thought, this is going to be one very long school year. With a deep sigh she turned on her heel, her back now facing the way the boys had gone and set of at a run toward Dumbledore's office knowing she was so late.

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Well that was the first chapter. Not the longest, I know but hey it's my first one so depending on the reviews I may continue then again I may not. So please review if you want to know what happens next.

Sirius'Vixen


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Lily moved silently through the halls as her earlier encounter with Black and Potter played back to her in her mind. something was wrong with Potter but what? She was getting annoyed by the fact that she kept thinking and worrying why. She didn't care, she didn't really even like James. But she had to admit she had become use to him looking at her, trying to get her to go out with him. God damn it! What was wrong with him? And where did Black get of by getting mad at her because James was off? Lily felt her mind working harder as she found the curtain the headmaster had told her her new room was hidden in. How the hell can you hide a room in a curtain? was the first thing that popped into her head. It was very pretty though, all midnight blue and soft as plush velvet. Dumbledore's words slipped through her clutered brain " state our name to the curtain then think your password for the year. Now I say think, not speak. The walls around there like to listen when they shouldn't. think of something only you would know."

"Sometimes I think the old man has gone insane but who am I to question him? Oh great now I'm talking to myself too! How could this night possibly get any worse!" Lily grounded out through her teeth. Think, Lil, think…what is something that only I would think of? Oh yea, she thought, Sasha Rose. She smiled at the thought of her mother and she felt a tug at her heart knowing she was gone. Lily had lost her over the last winter when she had fought the endless war with lung cancer. Since then Lil knew what she was going to do. She was going to be a Healer and stop all that pain.

" Now, my dear, let's not get teary out there in the hall" the new voice had Lily nearly at the ceiling. It was so motherly, she thought. With the gentleness of someone who who had seen many grow.

"What on this bloody earth was that!" Lily squeked as she looked and saw no one anywhere. She spun around quickly again to see if she could find the source of the lovly voice.

" Oh really, darling! You would think after being at this school for going on seven years and now being head girl, you would be smarter then that." stated the voice. "If you haven't figured it out yet, I am the spirit of this dorm. Just as all the houses have their ghosts you get a spirit with the Head package." Lily's long, thick red hair flew into her bright green eyes as a strong wind blew behind her. Now where the curtain had been, stood a translucent woman who stood in a giant doorway that lead to an amazingly large but homey sitting area. The woman couldn't have been a year older then her mother had been when she passed, late thirties. Her hair had been long and from the looks soft and smooth and wavy, she had a fantastic smile and just the smallest hint mischief in her big, bright eyes, that still had flickers of the bright blue they had once been. Her dress was that of the renaissance loose and flowing.

"Wow……" Lily mused softly.

" Well, hurry up, Lily, dear. The Head Boy bet you here. My name is Elizabella if you need anything sweet heart." Lily had been moving through the enormous doorway and hadn't really been paying attention but moved her head slowly to the ghost that stood next to her.

"What did you say about-" she was cut off, as James choose that moment to walk out of one of the many doors along the left side of the room. Lily tried to igonr the fact that e was shirtless and his black hair damp. What the fuck is he doing here? She tried to put the hate that she had for him and the anger of him being there to the front of her brain, but oh god, quidditch had done the boy wonders!

Their eyes meet and in unisan they both simply stated "No way in hell I'm living with you"

"Oh My…." was all Elizabella could think of.

Yea another chapter thank you who reviewed! I love you! And yes I do realize how this chapter was kinda every where but it's late and I did not get all my sleep lately.

If u like review and tell me if u didnt review and tell me!

Sirius'Vixen


	3. Chapter 3

Yes I know I said I wasn't gonna continue this but hey I changed my mind!

Here is part three for u hope all ya like it!

Hope you enjoy! And no I don't own Harry Potter (sad and depressing)

Finding Chapter 3

Lily just stood looking at James as he did the same to her. Well if this kept up she was going to blind first and she didn't want him to win in any way, shape of form. She broke off the staring contest, in which hot emerald met the dark depths of endless hazel, and turned her gaze to Elizabella.

" Does Dumbledore really believe that I will put up with _him_ for the entire year! There is no way in bloody hell that I will agree to live in the same dorm as Potter!" Lily said it with a great deal of fire in her voice and even more in her eyes. This is so not what she needed. She didn't want to be put in the position of being around him all the time. And since he was acting so strange and different she didn't know him like she once had. She knew sure she had never called him a friend but she had known him. Hell she had been around him for six years of course she had known him. But this boy, no young man, who stood in front of her, was not the boy she knew. She couldn't find any of him that she recognized. All she knew was that she didn't want to live with a stranger and those eyes were not the ones filled with laughter that she now misses deeply. Oh God, what the bleeding hell was she thinking? She didn't want to think anymore, she needed sleep. Her eyes were still focus on Elizabella's transparent blue ones.

"I don't really know what the headmaster is thinking for you two but for now you two must 'put up' with each other, I guess is the right way of putting it." The spirit's soothing voice stated, her gaze moving from Lily to James. "Do you believe that the two of you can get along for a little while until you get the chance to speak to the headmaster?"

Again emerald met hazel and there was a quite truce in both. But as Lily tried to find any trace of the boy she knew, James turned to Elizabella and gave her a soft nod and moved down the wall into another room and lift Lily with the ghost of a mother of old.

" Now, what is the big problem between the two of you, then? Elizabella asked in her soft voice.

"Long story but the short of it is that for years he has followed me around, provoking me, making a fool of himself as well as me. But so far he has treated me like the unwanted and annoying girl who falls at his feet, this year. And to be truly honest I find it worrisome and fucking annoying. Oh excuse me." She had no idea why she was apologizing but still she felt that she should. She hadn't realized that's how she felt. Was she really worried because James had become cold to her? Apparently she was. And that, she thought, was just one more thing to piss her off for the night. Damn it all to hell and back this was just so not her night.

She pulled her thoughts back and saw the look of understanding on the spirits face. "Now, what's that look for?" she asked but got no response. "hmmm…well do I have to call you Elizabella all the time or do you shorten it?" she tried again.

"You may call me Bella if it suits you better." Came the soft reply and then Lily was left alone in the grand room.

She finally looked around the room. Gryffindor colors covered the room and that filled her heart with a sense of pride. Both Heads were from the noble house this year. The thought made her smile. There were two amazingly large, overly stuffed chairs pushed into a chess table. By the enormous fireplace there were two long sofas that looked like they had been made to match the chairs.

She moved to one of the couches and just let her body sink into it and allowed her body and mind just shut off.

It was about one in the morning when James entered the grand room again. He didn't really know what to do about Lily. All summer he had stopped his mind from wandering to her but since about last week she had popped into his head again every free chance he it mind could find. It cause him to be a bit on the moody side when it came to her. Damn he had near snapped Sirius head off before they had left for the train because he had keep picking on her. But James had finally come to the thought that he really couldn't have her so he would leave her alone as best he could for the year. But now they were here. Having to share this dorm. They would have to live together just after he had promised himself that he would stay out of her life. The meeting on his way to the dorm had not really been a welcomed one. But it had served to give him the total shock of seeing her after she had mature even more over the summer. She had always been small, with that slight frame but she had gotten more curves over the summer. Her face was the same, he knew that face so well, could have sketched into glass from just memory alone. There was a sprinkle of freckles over her nose and her eyes were still the same sharp emerald in that amazing almond shape. She had pierced her ears again he remember, there were small green stones that had stuck out against the deep, rich red of her hair. She had let it grow. The thought made him smile. He had told her before the end of last term that she should, and to that she told him over the summer she was going to hack all of it off. He was very happy that she hadn't.

He brought his thoughts back to the room in which he stood now only lit by the soft glow of the firelight. He moved smoothly around and caught the slight sent of vanilla and the flash of red on one of the couches. He turned and his breath caught.

She lay peacefully on her side, long hair spread around her, falling over the edge of the couch like a lake of silk fire. Her eyes were closed and her breathing soft and even. She had fallen asleep and had let all of her guards down, and that made him smile. He moved her slim shoulder and got no response and tried one more time this time a bit harder. Still the girl did not stir. 'okay' he thought 'plan B' He bent and in one fluid and easy movement had her up and into his arms. She was amazingly light. He turned and moved to the door straight opposite from his own, guessing it was hers. He got lucky with the choice and found himself in a room of cherry wood and walls the color of the ocean after a hard storm.

He looked down at the girl in his arms. She looked so much younger when she slept. There was pure innocents in that. It was very startling to know that, and a bit comforting. Lily was a deep sleeper as the only move she had made and snuggling into his chest, again he couldn't help but smile down at her. he moved and set her down on the big four poster bed and as she wriggled missing the heat he gave off. But still she didn't wake. As he looked at her he knew that the promise to stay out of her life he had made to himself was never going to last. With a sigh he just stood and looked and her. Then he did one of the most unusual things.

He leaned down and placed a soft, affectionate kiss to her forehead. A smile lit up her sleeping face.

He stood and left the room quickly not wanting her to wake with him over her. If she remembered any of that she would have his head.

Ok it is like three in the morning and I felt like writing so I did! If u don't like it that's very sad if u do like it please review and let me know u want more! If u don't u wont get more!

Lov ya

Sirius'Vixen


	4. Chapter 4

Hello everybody! Ok so it's come to my attention that my readers don't like the whole review for moreish thing. My thought on that is I post more when I got more, if I don't got more I cant post! I know this took way to long to update and im sorry but I have been havin a bit gonnin on in my life. Like moving three states to the north…yea so sorry but ya'll just gotta deal!

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Ok on to Chapter 4 (have i really written 4 chapters?)

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She awoke with a sick sense of dread. The screams ripped from her before her mind was fully awake. She curled her knees to her chest, put her hands over her ears and just let them rip out of her. Her door was slammed open but she didn't, no couldn't, focus on who was coming to help her. Right at that moment she didn't give a flying fuck who it was as long as they came.

"No…"she screamed trying to rid herself of the horror of the nightmares, as strong arms wrapped around her.

"Shh….shh…Lily…Lily…shh…I'm here…shh" The murmur of James' voice in her ear as he pulled her to his chest, soothed her in an odd way. But she didn't think about it, she just let herself be held. Let herself feel safe. Let herself fall into the feeling of him. Let the dream go.

She had to pull away from him, she knew, but couldn't bring herself to move. It felt…just…right to be held by him. She was in his lap, she wasn't sure how she'd gotten there but was very comfortable so didn't bother opening her mouth. Her head was snuggled into the side of his neck where the scent and feel of him helped bring her breathing back to normal. One of his long fingered hands ran smoothly up and down her back.

Suddenly her mind dulled. She found that she was wearing the same robes as when she had reached the school. The room around her was foreign but she felt it was only hers. She was sitting in the lap of James Potter.

And she was going to fall asleep very soon…

That was where her actually thinking stopped. Or so she would tell herself later. She moved her head away from James' neck and stared deep into his eyes.

"Thank you" she murmured so soft he wasn't sure she had uttered a sound. And then in a simple move she placed her lips to his in an innocent gesture of gratitude. The shock of her actions combined with the smooth silk of his lips made her deepen the simple kiss. His mouth was gentle, but there was a restraint on him. She could feel it, and it amazed her that she felt hurt bloom in her chest when he did nothing but accept her kiss. So she tried harder to get a reaction, now needing to know the love-struck boy she knew was still there.

Oh yes, James was going insane. How could he hold himself back? This was the one thing he wanted and now it was being given to him on a silver platter. Why the hell couldn't he accept it! But he knew why…he wanted her heart not just her body. He wanted to know that mind. To know when she was sad, or happy, or pissed and to know that he could be there and know what to do. He wanted to be a part of her.

…And this wasn't the way to do it...

Even as he thought this his hand moved over the back of her neck, into the fall of fiery hair. He slanted his mouth over hers, pushing Lily to the point or moaning for him. Suddenly he moved away from her. Just enough to let a little air pass between them. "Lily, you know, you're not going to make this term easy for me, are ya."

She was so confused. He had kissed her back, had made her head spin but now he was acting like she was going to be a problem of some kind. What the hell did he mean? Why was he acting like this? But she let her thoughts subside as he moved, drawing her attention. She felt the soft, smoothness of his lips as he laid them tenderly on her forehead. There was something familiar in that. Something she knew, but what? But again she let the thought fade as he easily lifted her and replaced her on the bed as he stood. He stood over her with hands on either side of her on the bed. She lifted her hand and caressed the side of his cheek, her freezing fingers warmed by the heat of him.

"James…I don't understand, what-..." she was cut off as he leaned forward and kissed her with the same innocence that she had. Then pulled back to start into her eyes. There was a hidden understanding in his that slightly unearthed her but what could she do about it. He moved forward again to place another kiss on the side of her temple. And with that he moved away and to the door.

"Goodbye, Lily" was all he said.

Still confused, and suddenly hurt and feeling disguarded, Lily let the exhaustion that she had held back consume her. She was fast asleep as her head hit the pillow.

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Two weeks of classes had made Lily calm down considerably. Something about cramming new things into her brain made her relax about other things, if not school work. But the matter of James was still a bit of a problem. Neither one of them had gone to the headmaster to change the dorm situation but it hadn't really been a big problem as of late. Lily had tried hard to make herself scarce when James came around and he did the same with her. But she knew she couldn't keep it up, even if he, could she would break soon and seek him out for answers. But before she did that she would try another source to see if she could find what was wrong with him.

She was searching through the library when she found him. He sat by himself at the center table, and while he sat alone there were girls seated at every table around him, starting and watching. She really couldn't blame the girls, Remus was a staggering sight. He was always pale sometimes to the point of being sickly, but she knew why. The young man was a werewolf, oh he didn't knew that she knew but she had figure it out a long time before which gave him that slight paler that was inrtiging for girls. Well that and the fact that when the full moon was furthest away her could easily give Sirius and James a run for their money. His frame was all lean, tough muscle that was a good six feet in height, his shoulders broad. His face held simple yet shape features, with a giving mouth and a slash of shape cheek bones. All of him was brought together by the deep almond shape of his eyes and their rich color. Lily had never seen eyes like Remus' before. They were dark brown fading to light chestnut and fading still to a rich gold around his iris.

Another thing that gave him major points in her book was that he was one of the nicest men she had ever known. And she hoped deeply that he found the one girl that he could share his secret with. But now she needed his help, but he probably wasn't really willing to give it on this subject. Remus was one of James' best friends so he should know what she wanted to find out.

She got a few glares from the girls as she moved to Remus' table. It wasn't a secret that James had liked her and it wasn't a secret that Remus was her friend even though he usually didn't give much more then the time of day to other girls. Neither of these things really made her popular with the girls of their fan clubs but what could she do about that?

She stood in front of his table and he moved to look up at her. He flashed a handsome smile at her, and a gathering of sighs sounded from the girls around them. "Hey there Lil, what can I do for you on this lovely afternoon?" He smiled knowing just what he was doing. And she gave a grin in return.

"Well Remus, I must speak with you in private, if you think you can tear yourself away, if it's at all possible." She said an amusement in her eyes. They were putting on a show for the girls around them. And everyone around them hung on every word. There was a quick flash of curiosity in Remus' eyes and then he stood and towered over her.

"Well then, shall we go?" and he offered his arm to her, she took it and they moved out of the library arm in arm. "So, Miss Evans, what can I do for you?" he asked with a smile that was reserved for those he liked and trusted.

"Hmm…ok so here's the thing Mr. Lupin, I'm in a bit of a fix, and I need your help to get myself out." She said looking over at him.

His smile began to fade from his lips and his eyes as he looked at her again "What have you gotten yourself into that you need me to get you out again, Lily?" his voice was sober as he looked her in the eyes.

"It's James," she broke out "he's been acting all different and everything since school started. He's avoiding me and when ever we have to be together he's always dead silent. He's just not acting like the James I know and…well…I want the James who talks to me back. I want the James that laughed and joked and played really stupid, juvenile pranks on that ignorant Snape just because he made a comment about me.." she stopped herself, amazed at how the dam had broken. Ok more like shattered into a million pieces but well she had gotten her point across. She looked over at Remus, wondering what the hell he could be thinking about all that she had said. She got her answer when she looked in his face.

There was a satisfied smile spreading across his handsome features. "Well, well, well." He said but there was a dance in his engaging eyes.

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End of Chapter 4

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Ok rereading what I have all ready written I have noticed something…..i cant spell for refried beans. But ok so here you all go, more! Thanks to all those who reviewed and thanks to all those who read my stuff! I love u all!

Till next time!

Sirius'Vixen


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